The Dull Food Festival

Straw poll: just how dull was the Real Food Festival? Initially, as discussed with William and Simon, I thought it was because we were cynical old hacks who've just done too many foodie gatherings in the last 12 months. But the more I think about, the more I realise that while we are undoubtedly cynical old bastards, the show was a dull, predictable mish mash - and all too short on "real" food.

There were, of course, good things: Royal Berkshire Pork; Laverstoke Park's real buffalo; Heron Valley juices and cider; Henrietta's tea; Loopy Lisa's fudge... The problem was to get to them you had to wade through more organic sodding vegan cupcakes than anyone should ever see and gallon upon gallon of rapeseed oil. Is there EVER an excuse for a "cheese crust" pork pie? What the FUCK was that doing there? Shitty ice creams. Bleeding Sacla's foul pesto - and the fact that a product that bad was allowed to be a sponsor of the show speaks volumes. By the time I'd got to the chap proclaiming that his raw chocolate was "guilt free" I was ready to scream. What's the fucking point of guilt-free chocolate? The guilt is the best bit. If I want to eat healthily, I'll eat a tomato. If I want chocolate, I want it sweet and creamy and rich. I want angels dancing on my tongue. I don't want the sort of worthy feeling I'd have got from knitting my own tofu quiche, you TOSSER.

Frankly, I think the organisers should be ashamed of charging upto 18 quid a ticket when you'd have a better time wandering around any number of decent London markets or Selfridges' Food Hall. Disgraceful.


Lizzie said…
So i take it you didn't gte accosted by those women who tried to convince us that you shouldn't use fat in cooking, and that turkey is a very fatty meat? I had to stiffle a lot of rolling eyed sighs.

There wasn't an awful lot of variety, and nothing particularly inspiring. Shame Earl's Court is so desperately depressing too.
Jenny said…
Hmmm, I wasn't overly impressed either. There were a couple of good stalls there but far too many poorly iced cupcakes and dodgy oil stalls.
William Leigh said…
knitting a tofu quiche. Love it.
Emma Jane said…
Plastic gloves or no plastic gloves, I did NOT want any of that revolting Sacla on a piece of dry toast, handed to me by someone squeezing the paste out of a gun!

Also, your chocolate conclusions are spot on - I stumbled backwards from that same stand after hearing just 3 mind-crushing sentences, fearing what I may be compelled to say back to him!

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