Straw poll: just how dull was the Real Food Festival? Initially, as discussed with William and Simon, I thought it was because we were cynical old hacks who've just done too many foodie gatherings in the last 12 months. But the more I think about, the more I realise that while we are undoubtedly cynical old bastards, the show was a dull, predictable mish mash - and all too short on "real" food.
There were, of course, good things: Royal Berkshire Pork; Laverstoke Park's real buffalo; Heron Valley juices and cider; Henrietta's tea; Loopy Lisa's fudge... The problem was to get to them you had to wade through more organic sodding vegan cupcakes than anyone should ever see and gallon upon gallon of rapeseed oil. Is there EVER an excuse for a "cheese crust" pork pie? What the FUCK was that doing there? Shitty ice creams. Bleeding Sacla's foul pesto - and the fact that a product that bad was allowed to be a sponsor of the show speaks volumes. By the time I'd got to the chap proclaiming that his raw chocolate was "guilt free" I was ready to scream. What's the fucking point of guilt-free chocolate? The guilt is the best bit. If I want to eat healthily, I'll eat a tomato. If I want chocolate, I want it sweet and creamy and rich. I want angels dancing on my tongue. I don't want the sort of worthy feeling I'd have got from knitting my own tofu quiche, you TOSSER.
Frankly, I think the organisers should be ashamed of charging upto 18 quid a ticket when you'd have a better time wandering around any number of decent London markets or Selfridges' Food Hall. Disgraceful.